Fragility

This is an important time for me. This is a moment in time when the “me” I have strived to become will be tested. I am stepping out, taking a risk and leaving my comfort zone behind. In some ways, it almost feels as if I am going behind enemy lines for some form of deep infiltration. New jobs will always unsettle, especially ones involving a new degree of logistical challenge like commuting. But for me, the anxiety I feel about this step (leap may be more appropriate) goes deeper than worrying about if I can really combine getting the train into London and childcare. This goes to the core.

I am leaving behind my hometown, my place of comfort and security. The place where I know who I am and what I’m about, and more importantly how I fit. I now have to survive in an academic university in the big city with big city students. Survive. Peculiar choice of word. Really what I mean is that my self-esteem has to survive. It is has to survive in a way it didn’t manage when I went to university as an undergraduate. It has been nine years since I graduated but it has taken that long to repair the damage done.

When I look at what I have achieved in those years it is truly immense. There aren’t many who have dared to do what I have done, let alone done it successfully. This is the moment I need to gather that up and have the confidence to be somewhere I will start growing again.

Here we go again. Shoulders back, back straight, head held high.

 

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